Warning: Sexual Explicite Material.. but funny all the same!

Sometimes.. Okay, often, I peruse the personal ads on kijiji just because they make me laugh hysterically.. and I’m ridiculously immature about sexuality.

I can’t imagine what it would be like to meet a stranger and get them to clean your house? Maybe in a tutu? Strange.
I’m curious as to what they look like. Stupid sounding, I know. I have been so close to reply with a quick, “hey baby. I’m 45, red hair, blue eyes, meet me at this coffee shop, I’ll be playing with a slinky.”
The only reason I haven’t done this:
1. Golden rule.
2. I’m scared.
3. I need a better hobby and I know this.
I just find this little kijiji area endlessly hilarious. I’m always giggling away in my office corner while my boyfriend groans with a, “ugh, kijiji again? God, you are weird.”
..and sometimes, when I need a really GOOD laugh? I re-write it in my mind to make it even more condescending and ridiculous.
Warning: Sexually explicit material.
Hi ladies I am a good looking 45 year old male , well endowed  and I wish to serve you in any way you wish. Do you need someone like me to do chores around the house ? or maybe dress up in a small outfit and entertain your friends ? Whatever you wish let me know .. first come first served !!
I am wanting to share the opportunity of being with two younger ladies. My time here is limited ( health issue ) and every man has this same fantasy. I do not want you feeling sorry for me or nothing like that. I simply want to fullfill a fantasy. I am white, 46, 6′ tall, 175 lbs. Also….I am married but I just need to do this. Please let me know.
Looking for a “golden shower”, that is correct, hover over me and let go. Clean and discreet male here , late forty, slim and discreet, safe to be with. Please give it a try.

We met at a party. You were with your husband. We chatted briefly. You were wearing black. Would like to know is there something there?

I met a fireman that was in Thunder Bay for a “Mock Disaster”, he is from Burlington, about 5ft 5in, was a hockey player and was also involved in the rescue diving.  We met at a bar called Scuttlebutts, I was the nurse with the “nice arms”.  I wish that I would have at least got his email so that we could keep in touch.  If you know this hot, young, fireman please feel free to bring this add to his attention.

My boyfriend and I;

literally get in the stupidest fights in the world. For instance, todays fight, will be archived as “T3’s or grow up!”

Ty. calls me and asks me if I could call the dentist to find out when his appointment is tommorow. I do so and also inquire about what kind of pain killers he will be on. T3’s you say?

My mind races back to a pre-chicago boyfriend who used to get stoned off these… Hmmm..

Bad-Ass A-Dub comes strolling out. I press re-dial to my boyfriends work. I non-bothersome inform him of his time and drug of choice and then slid in that maybe I could have a hook up to some t3s’ too.

He hangs up on me.

(Deep down, I wouldn’t have even touched them, I think I was looking for a fight. I’m not one for drugs!)

I stare at the phone and shrug. Oh well, it was worth a shot. I’m back to my ever-go-happy self. La, La, La. Dance around my bedroom in my panties…

ka-boom. I get an e-mail from Mister. Shit On Life.

Why i act lame? why cant you use your head. Im not hear to chat with you all willy nilly whenever you get bored. Im working. And to ask me if you can get high off my pills…you a little pill popping teen now? Grow up, they are given to me for a reason. Im gonna be in fucking pain.

I know, right? JERK!

As if. Oh well, I still love him.

Good Girl A-Dub

ps: I may have sent this e-mail first:

why u gotta act so lame?
peace. im going out with my friends.
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